I’ve finally written my letter to Sensei, yes, after so long. I have wanted to share my determinations with him especially in terms of my studies. However, I fear that I might not be able to accomplish whatever I thought I want to do. As a matter of fact, my results have all turned out to be bleak for now. And I know those significant percentage of term papers will play a huge part.

I feel so happy after I finish typing, cos… i realized it’s been really too long since i wrote to sensei, cos of all the emotional baggages i’ve been carrying. Aside the failure to study in SUA as promised, I have been feeling utterly awful about going against them to get with W last time. Anyway, I realize I’m really for real, getting over him. I think of him, but it’s not the miss him kind of thinking. In fact, I’m only abit worried about his job search but that’s purely some kind of concern. There’s no hatred anymore and I hope to become normal friends soon. Of course, not now, i don’t want to wreak my stable boat yet. And I’m also wondering if he is aware of his sis’s state.

All along I am aware that prioritizing Gakkai is the best strategy. However, I’m just constantly deluded having more time for my studies is more important. It has proven to be wrong. After the meeting just now, I realize R5 FD hasn’t grown much.. in fact, we are constantly facing the lack of ICs problem. It’s ALWAYS the same problem. I set a determination that we must have a revolution. I tried sharing with the rest, but somehow the message isn’t brought across. I recalled sharing that before, and well, we tried to do some stuffs, but never work out still. Hence, I decided I should just spearhead it all my own first to get the momentum moving. As long as my heart is for the sake of mentor, everything MUST and WILL be in the right rhythm. Many times we try to strategise, but… never successful. I don’t wish to be an all talk but no results person. This time round, I don’t want to talk too much. Just write my determination to Sensei and do my job, achieve results and report to sensei, and that’s it.

Also, since I’ve delayed my transfer to the next chapter, i’m determined to create a wave. have no YWD Pgrs at the moment. But must fight a near-dying campaign that I must win by 3.16 next year. before i transfer out. And an unbreakable foundation of YWD leaders must be forged by then. This means i have to struggle 100% more than now. I’m worried about this, cos i determined to have 1 YWD conferment in each district. That makes it 4. Every gal must gain victory in Gohonzon conferment… if not, wait till when?

Of cos, determining for 4 As is really bullshit. But this one really must be base on Daimoku. Must struggle happily. Must chant so hard that the impossible will happen. It is especially crucial… cos I’m waging a kofu battle, and the tidal waves will surge even higher. But I must be fearless! Because in this deluded age, where all the intelligent without ground philosophy are the scholars, Sensei’s disciples must stand up and be on par, even be better than them, to prove mentor’s greatness. I imagine a day when i search databases and find many famous scholarly journals written disciples who write with the bastion of a pen… nothing but the truth and for the sake of the justice and righteousness.

In any case, I have a battle to wage. more like, 4, exactly. I will fight the way I never fought before. This is my start of 奮戰.

1.  
   1. 我一定要在每一科目达到A。
   2. 我一定要在3.16 2009年之前，培育XX支部女子部地区干事S, M, R，T和Y成为要回应恩师的真实弟子。
   3. 我一定要在3.16 2009 年之前，有四为新的女子部会友，敬领御本尊。

   4. 我一定要在3.16 2009 年之前，培育总部X未来部女轻负责人S, SY, Z 和X