There have been too many things happening, and there’re times when I wish I have more time for blogging. It’s not much of a place where I throw all my emotions out. However,  I always find ‘writing’ a means to reconcile alot of complications in my mind.

Ever since the last entry, I’ve sent A to UK at the airport, got extremely disappointed and heartbroken by Y, got some strict yet compassionate guidance by C, cried to my heart’s content, had a bit of crazy schedule over 2 presentations last week, did a super funny BGS presentation with my group, sprained my toe, attended P’s ROM,  and… for the longest time, finally KTV-ed.

Truly happy for A’s victory, to successfully pursue her dreams. It had been a long time since I wrote a letter to somebody. And I managed to do something sweet in some short time.

Of course, can be happy with one junior on one end, and be super upset with another. Y’s issue got me troubled for nearly half the month. It’s something that not many can understand? On one end, I might be labelled as somebody who’s trying to destroy her happiness… but on the other, I know very well, my heart tells me it’s not. However, whatever bond we forge can’t cross this major test. And, I appreciate this pain, for it let me experienced what my seniors felt then. They/I dug out the heart to foster, and train her/me, and she/I ended up disappointing people that she/I trusted. Just recalling this incident, simply made me feel heartwrenching and hair standing.

I managed to talk to C about it. And I’m glad he was around to ‘talk’ through things with me. Am I truly determined to be Sensei’s true disciple? Do I really think this path is going to be easy? Heartache, is just part of the package… If I’m half-hearted, might as well not start in the first place. But since I’ve decided, then I must definitely win in the end.

My tears couldn’t stop flowing.

And I got his point, that I’m afterall on the right track… I can’t be expecting good times, but to take bad times for granted instead. Bad times can come in different forms isn’t it?

Well, I do need some form of closure for heartmatters.issue1. How long do I need to continue to be in this status? Till year end? 2 years? 3 years?

I don’t wish to end up thinking about this, on and off, for it’s not doing me any good for now.

Not that I wish to be a spinster for life. But I know very well, it’s not time to think about all these. Why do I end up getting so hung up over it, for so long? There must be a reason isn’t it? I can’t deny how I feel… neither do I see the urgency to resolve it. But if status is quo, why do I feel uneasy at times?  must quickly reconcile this feeling, for it’s just slowing my pace down.

I’m enjoying school. It’ s fun when project mates are nice people. not that others aren’t, just that BGS group and of course, the class itself, is pretty fun. And it helps when BGS is on Friday. and with the very nice prof.

There isn’t much to complain about life, isn’t it? Except, I wish I have inexhaustible funds for cabs. I decided to be upfront about the fact that I hate standing up in MRT, with my heavy bag, and to be ungracious in snatching seats. I hate to walk under the sun, from the bus stop to MRT. Hee hee..

Oh yah, did i mention my student is extremely adorable?

And that my sis is leaving for Aussie!!!! without me!

C mentioned that I can work hard, fall down, stand up and work hard again, and go for a break in december. I was wondering… where? Sentosa beach ah? It’s also expensive too.

Maybe I should plan for a single trip out alone in December. I miss the beaches, and chill out feel. With books, sand, and jazz. Hey, it’s just march, i keep thinking it’s November.